Alienating behaviour is the new name for the concept of parental alienation. You may hear either term spoken about by family lawyers or a family judge. Allegations of alienating behaviour can occur when you are trying to negotiate parenting arrangements after a separation or divorce. They can also be made in children law court proceedings for a child arrangement order, specific issue order or prohibited steps order.
Family law solicitor, Angelique Holm, is a children law expert. In this blog, she looks at the various types of alienating behaviour. If you have been accused of alienating behaviour, or if you are fighting to see your children who have been alienated against you, then Angelique Holm can help you.
For children and family law advice call Angelique Holm on 0203 488 8620 or email
info@hopeholm.co.uk or visit our website Hopeholm Family Law.
What is alienating behaviour?
Alienating behaviour is not always obvious or easy to define. At its simplest, it is when one parent expresses negative thoughts or engages in behaviour that either has the potential to or does impact on a child’s relationship with their other parent. The alienating behaviour may make the child want to have reduced or no contact with their other parent. Alternatively, the child may still want to have contact and a relationship with their other parent but the child may feel very conflicted.
Is alienating behaviour ever justified?
Children should not be involved in adult issues or used as a sounding board to vent about the end of a relationship or a partner’s shortcomings as a parent or partner. However, there can be some family situations where a parent engages in behaviour that alienates a child from the other parent and there are reasons for their behaviour. For example, a victim of domestic violence may be terrified at the thought of contact handovers and their fear may be relayed to the child even though the abusive parent was never violent towards the child and the child did not witness any of the violence in the relationship. For example, a parent may be angst-ridden at the thought of child abduction because their former partner is not a British citizen and has family who still lives overseas. The child may pick up on the parent’s anxiety about the risk of child abduction which may or may not be justified.
Is alienating behaviour only carried out by mothers?
Either parent can engage in alienating behaviour. The parent engaged in the alienating behaviour can be either the main carer or have contact with the child.
It isn’t always the parents who engage in alienating behaviour. A new partner may make their views on a parent clear. Alternatively, a former mother or father-in-law may make it crystal clear that they loathe a parent. Clearly, a parent cannot control what their families think or say but if alienating behaviour is taking place, they should make it clear that the behaviour may result in the other parent applying to the court for a child arrangement order or prohibited steps order to stop their behaviour or to stop contact, or for a child arrangement order to enable the child to come to live with them.
Types of alienating behaviour
Every parent makes the occasional mistake and says something about their ex in the presence of the children. Maybe the parent did not even say anything but the child knows from the parent’s facial expression or their tears that they cannot say that they enjoyed contact with their other parent.
Types of alienating behaviour include:
- Constantly bad-mouthing the parent
- Criticising the other parent’s parenting abilities
- Making false accusations about the other parent in the presence of the children. For example, saying the other parent has an alcohol or drug addiction when they do not or falsely stating that domestic abuse occurred during the relationship and that the other parent was an abuser
- Denigrating the other parent’s choice of new partner
- Crying and getting upset if the child talks about wanting to see the other parent or if the child says anything positive about the other parent
- Saying the other parent or their family members are stupid
- Making a child think that their other parent is mentally unwell or incapable of looking after them when that is not the case
- Telling a child that the other parent did not turn up for a contact visit because they love their new partner and new children more – when the reality is that the parent exhibiting alienating behaviour prevented the contact visit from taking place
- Falsely informing a child that they are at risk of child abduction or that the culture of their overseas-based extended family is backward
Any of these alienating behaviours can lead to the child rejecting or resisting spending time with one parent. The impact of alienating behaviour on a particular child may depend on how vulnerable they are. Even if a child appears imperious to the alienating behaviour they may internalise their feelings, creating emotional harm.
Why talk about alienating behaviour rather than parental alienation?
Alienating behaviour and parental alienation are the same thing. However, family law solicitors nowadays tend to refer to this type of conduct as alienating behaviour because of a recent family law court case.
The court case is Re C (“parental alienation” instruction of expert) [2023] EWHC 345 (Fam). In the case, the judge Sir Andrew McFarlane, said “The identification of ‘alienating behaviour’ should be the court’s focus, rather than any quest to determine whether the label parental alienation can be applied.” That approach means that the court enquiry is focussed on identifying if there is alienating behaviour and sorting out what to do about it.
What should you do about alienating behaviour?
If you are a parent whose child is experiencing alienating behaviour from their other parent, or a parent accused of alienating behaviour, it is important to take specialist legal advice on your options. You may need advice on applying to court for a child arrangement order specific issue order or prohibited steps order. Do not delay in talking to a specialist family law solicitor as you do not want your child to accept the alienating behaviour as the ‘truth.’
Angelique Holm can talk to you about the best approach to allegations of alienating behaviour or situations where one parent is engaged in parental alienation.
For advice on child arrangement orders and resolving family law disputes advice call Angelique Holm on 0203 488 8620 or email info@hopeholm.co.uk or visit our website Hopeholm Family Law.