Sometimes children lawyers, family court professionals and parents talk about parental alienation but what is parental alienation and what does it mean? Read on if you think that your children have been subject to parental alienation or you have been accused of parental alienation.
The definition of parental alienation
One senior family judge defined parental alienation as ‘the turning of the mind of a child against a parent by the other parent, either deliberately or inadvertently, resulting in the child holding a wholly negative view of the other parent and that negative view not being warranted by the other parent’s behaviour to the family or in the parent-child relationship.’
That definition can encompass many behaviours, from a parent deliberately saying ‘I hate your dad’ to a child inadvertently overhearing a conversation about one parent’s adultery and therefore wanting to have nothing to do with the parent as they blame the parent for the marriage breakdown.
When parental alienation allegations are made by one parent against the other, they are normally fiercely disputed, resulting in contested child arrangement order proceedings.
What happens if the court says there is parental alienation?
If the court finds that one parent has alienated the children against the other parent the court then needs to consider what child arrangement order is in the best interests of the children. When assessing what is in the best interests of the children the court will look at a statutory welfare check list.
That lists includes the court looking at how capable each parent is of meeting their child’s needs. A child’s needs include their emotional wellbeing and psychological needs. It can be argued that a parent can’t meet their child’s needs if they are deliberately or recklessly alienating the child against the other parent.
Judges have said that where there is a court finding of parental alienation the court can order that a child move to live with their other parent because the parent against whom the parental alienation findings have been made isn’t capable of meeting all of their child’s needs. This type of change of residence order can be made when a court has ordered that contact takes place but it hasn’t happened. The court may conclude that the parent who is looking after the child is continuing to alienate the child against the other parent so the contact and child arrangement order has been breached.
What can I do about it?
If you suspect parental alienation then you shouldn’t ignore it. That’s because if it continues your relationship with your children may deteriorate from the children being reluctant to see you to eventually refusing to come on contact visits.
Children law solicitors say that ignoring parental alienation rarely works because if parental alienation is allowed to occur the children will continue to be harmed by it. That isn’t in their best interests or yours.
That doesn’t mean that you should ‘go on the attack’ because that may just further alienate the children who are likely to side with the parent who has been alienating the children against you by their behaviour or their bad mouthing of you.
A children law solicitor can talk with you about your options such as suggesting family counselling or family mediation. If those options aren’t sensible, or don’t work, you can consider applying to the family court for a child arrangement order. It can take time for the court to make a finding of parental alienation and to then work out what orders are in the best interests of your children.
A children lawyer will look at whether interim court orders can help you whilst the court is assessing parental alienation or whether expert reports may assist your court application. In some situations, you may only currently be having indirect contact with your children (sending cards and presents) and getting no reply. That can be really frustrating and it can be tempting to give up. Children law solicitors urge that you don’t give up because courts and child law professionals say that, in the vast majority of family situations, it is in a child’s best interests to have a good relationship with both parents.
Therefore, whilst it can feel like a long battle to get to see your children because of parental alienation, it is worth it so your children get to understand that you do love them and want to spend time with them, despite what they may have been told.
London Parental Alienation and Children Law Solicitors
If you don’t know where to start to combat parental alienation and need help then call children law solicitor Angelique Holm on 0203 488 8620 or email info@hopeholm.co.uk or contact me here.