Christmas should be a time we look forward to, whether we celebrate Christmas as a religious festival or enjoy it as an opportunity to spend time with extended family or just to relax, eat a bit too much, and play with the kids.
If you are a separated or divorced parent Xmas can be a tough time, especially when you are struggling to agree on the Christmas child contact arrangements.
Family law solicitor, Angelique Holm, is a children law expert. In this blog, she offers guidance to separated parents on how best to sort out Christmas contact. If you need legal advice on children law and contact arrangements then Angelique Holm can help you.
For children and family law advice call Angelique Holm on 0203 488 8620 or email
info@hopeholm.co.uk or visit our website Hopeholm Family Law.
Look ahead
Family law solicitors tend to plan ahead for Christmas, knowing that many anxious parents will call them in November and December to inquire about applying for a child arrangement order to sort out their Xmas contact.
Ideally, all parents should look ahead and make early Christmas plans. That may involve accepting an invite to stay with your parents knowing that means the grandparents will get to see their grandchildren this Xmas as it is ‘your year with the children’ or volunteering to work knowing that next Xmas is your time with the kids or booking something special with friends who are in the same boat as you and who will be struggling to see their children this year.
If you have not planned ahead, it is not too late to try and reach an agreement over Christmas contact or to apply to the family court for a child arrangement order. However, do remember that reaching an agreement or securing a court order takes time and the longer you give your family law solicitor the better. It also reduces the risk that your ex-partner will say that they have already made plans that are incapable of change.
Christmas amnesty
Xmas is meant to be a time of peace and goodwill to all. Even if you think your ex-partner is lazy and ignorant and does not deserve to see their children at Xmas or if you hate your mother-in-law for the way she treated you during the marriage, maybe Christmas is the time to offer an olive branch. If you can agree on the Christmas contact arrangements it is likely to make Christmas a far less stressful experience.
Christmas for the children
As adults we are often guilty of focusing on what we want, assuming our children will want the same thing as us or that our children will go along with our Xmas plans because they have no choice. Most parents don’t recall back to their growing-up years and remember what they hated about Christmas. Maybe it was not seeing Dad on Christmas Day or maybe it was being forced into a car on Xmas Day to travel to see the other parent when all you wanted to do was relax after a large meal and play with new toys. Thinking back to your own experiences or looking at your proposed Christmas plans from your child’s perspective can really help you focus on what would work best for your children.
If you present your Christmas proposals to your ex-partner by looking at your child’s needs this can help you thrash out an agreement.
Christmas contact rights
There is no right in law that says parents have a right to see their children at Xmas. Most parents have what is called parental responsibility for their children and that is shared with the other parent. Parental responsibility does not guarantee you shared parenting or contact. You either need to agree on custody and contact arrangements (including special occasion contact such as Xmas and birthdays) or you need to apply to the family court for a child arrangement order.
A child arrangement order sets out the parenting arrangements and can be detailed to include Christmas contact or overseas holiday contact. If the order is intended to stand the test of time it may say you get alternate Christmases with your child from 5 pm on Xmas Eve to 5 pm on Xmas Day so you do not have to go back to court every year to resolve specific dates or times.
If you cannot agree on contact and you do not have a child arrangement order in place it can be tempting to turn up and demand to see your children because you have parental responsibility and because it is Xmas. That is a bad idea and your ex-partner may try to further restrict your contact or even apply to the court for an injunction order to stop you from turning up unannounced at their property. An agreement or a court order is the best solution.
Help with agreeing Christmas contact arrangements
Some parents know that they cannot talk to their ex-partner directly or have tried and failed. You may need help in sorting out the Xmas contact through:
- Solicitor negotiations – sometimes a letter from a solicitor will make parents realise that it is sensible to compromise
- Solicitor roundtable meeting – this type of meeting can resolve an impasse
- Legal support during family mediation – so you understand your parental rights and the potential outcome of any child arrangement order application so you know where to compromise in mediation and when to stand your ground
- Representation in a child arrangement order application for a Xmas contact order – these orders take time to obtain so the sooner you contact a family law solicitor for advice the better chance you have of securing an order
If you think that you have left it too late to sort out Christmas contact this year then you may not have done so. It is also never too early to start discussions for the following year if you did not get what you wanted this year or if you want to change Xmas contact arrangements that have been in place since your separation or divorce.
Angelique Holm can talk to you about the best approach to reaching an agreement on Xmas contact or help you apply for a child arrangement order.
For advice on child arrangement orders and resolving family law disputes advice call Angelique Holm on 0203 488 8620 or email info@hopeholm.co.uk or visit our website Hopeholm Family Law.